I'm better...

... than yesterday at least. I'm working on the situation that had me bummed yesterday, and I got some calls from 3 of my closest friends ANY OLE WAY, and their crazy behinds made me feel better. Especially Tyrice. I think he was drunk or something close to it ( but let's be clear, he's not a lush... just had to clarify). He called me after he'd gotten home from an after-work party at a real nice club in NYC whose name I am now drawing a blank on. Anyway, he called me talking loud, laughing, and singing the songs that had been spun at the club. After a few minutes, he pumped up the music in his crib and started dancing with me, but over the phone. I know that sounds weird, but his energy was so infectious I had to get up and dance with him. We do shit like that sometimes. I need friends like that.

My other two friends made me smile too. Asia, because she's just silly and when she first called she was sitting in the park and there was a man playing a trumpet and his song was so soothing, that I felt better after just a few bars. I was like, "Dag, girl, let me find out you got a band following you just to give our conversations a soundtrack!" She's the bomb. She's also gonna send me a little something something to wear as a belated birhtday gift. She makes clothes, and she is fly as hell! I love her sense of style, so I don't even to have to ask what it is, or what color or anything. I know I'll rock it with pride. I'm gonna catch up with her though, I bought a sewing machine the other day and I'm awaiting its delivery. *rubs hands together evilly* I gotta get back to Philly and go shopping with her again though. When I was there a few months ago, I copped a fly suede jacket for 10 bucks! What! What! YOU CAN'T STOP A WOMAN FROM SHOPPING!

Meagan was the first to call, and she's going thrugh her own thing with a very recent breakup and all, but she's still crazy as hell. We're gonna take a trip together in the coming months when my money is looking better. Right now I'm looking at "back to school" shopping, my baby's impending 11th birthday, and holiday gifting ( although all gifts will be made, not bought). In other words, no matter what I'm doing for money soon, a nigga gon' be struggling for a minute! So yeah, back to Miss Meagan Schmeagan Coheagan... she and I will be taking a trip away from BOTH of our respective resident cities to we can wreak havoc on another. Our choices are Orlando, Miami, Philly, L.A., and NYC.
We're both leaning towards NY though. Me, because it's basically home for me, and I am thorougly homesick. For her, it's because he last trip there was a bust and she KNOWS NYC is better than that! We're still open though. We'll make a decision when she gets back from her trip next week. She's going to Senegal. I think I'm going to have to arrange an international trip amonsgt a few of my friends soon. Can you imagine what kind of mischief we could get into? Of course you can't. Most of you that are reading this don't know me that well---yet. *impish grin*.

You know, I must apologize for my rambling style of blogging. I sometimes forget or all out ignore the rules of traditional writing, so I know iit might be frustrating to read sometimes. My bad! Yeah, so anyway, all of the above was my little way of writing an ode to some of my peeps. As anti- long distance relationship I am... I'm doing it faithfully anyway, just in a platonic way. I so wish I could see my friends all the time, but I'm no closer than 4 hours to any of them. I LOVE THEM THOUGH! I feel it right here! *points to heart*


Oh, one more thing. I'm meeting someone I met over the internet today! Clutch your pearls later... it's a very old experience for me, lol. I live in a pretty wack city, or at least culturally it is. ( read: the Black folks here are generally not progressive, ad are content with being ignorant and are not used to having nice places where it's mostly us there having a good time.... and ESPECIALLY w/o Lil Jon and 'nem being played every five minutes. WHHHHHHHHHHHHAT!!!! OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY) Anyway, she's a transplant from ATL, and we will be celebrating her daughter's birthday, who is very close to my daughter's age. I think it'll be a good time. I'm SO looking forward to making friends here. I've been here as an adult for going on two years now, and I don't go out unless I go with fam, because it's hard to meet like minded folks here. Wish me luck! I have a good feeling about this though.

See ya!

I'm gonna put this as plainly as possible. I'm in a really fucked up mood. To all of my family/friends who might have been thinking to call me today but decided to come here and read first, please don't bother me today. If I were to answer the phone, the conversation would be full of sighs, monosyllabic replies, and stretches of silence, and the possibility of me going off for apparently no reason. That's not fair to any of you, and you all know I don't like to be ugly or mean to anyone. I'm in a real bad spot right now, and I really don't care to talk about it, because it won't change anything. I just want to run my errands, go to the beach, and have a few glasses of sangria, to take the edge off of this shit I'm dealing with. If I feel a little bit better later on, I might come back and talk about it here. If you should happen to see me somewhere online lurking, and I don't answer you or the telephone, you now know why, so please don't feel slighted.

To whoever is reading this, have a good weekend, okay?
Love, love love,
Me.

Whoooosaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

Okay, so I like having a fresh floral arrangement at all times. Is that a crime? Thing is, my money is tied up in other things and no strapping young fellow is professing his love for me and sending me bouquets regularly, so I haven't been able to indulge in this luxury every week like I'd like to. Since I'm no slouch when it comes to craftiness, I decided it would be cool to go hook myself up a few artificial arrangements to pacify myself when I can't have real ones. Plus it would also be cool to have my favorite flowers around when they're out of season. So I head on down to the craft store that I dreaded going to, atter I'd searched high and low for the fakes I wanted EVERYWHERE, even online, with no luck. Guess what? When I FINALLY find the area that my flowers should be.... they are out of stock. DAMN. So I ask an employee if and when there will be a new shipment of the item that I want, and she tells me they won't arrive for a few weeks. *pout* She offers to take my name and number so she can call me when they arrive, and she'll even set the amount that I want aside just for me! Awww, isn't she nice? Gotta love good customer service. So I gave her my info and went on to browse the rest of the store and see what else they have to offer in tickling my creative fancy.

I have not left my job yet... I agreed to train someone before I move on, and I have a transfer to another department in the works, along with some other things. Yes, I hate grinding in this manner, but I ain't no fool. My baby will be back in school in two weeks, and she needs uniforms and supplies... mama ain't no damn dummy...I WILL be leaving soon though, if this transfer is not to my satisfaction.

Oh so yeah, back to my escapade at the craft store. I went immediately after work, so I was still rocking my blue scrubs and cute little work shoes :-). I'm minding my biz, poring over the selection of jewelry clasps, when I hear a voice with an accent reminiscent of Scarlett O'Hara's...."Are you working here?" I turn to detect the owner of the voice, and see some shrewish white woman in her 60's ( I guess). " ...because I can't seem to find the yadda yadda yadda...." I don't like to make scenes, so I quelled the urge to yell "NAW, ya Miss Daisy BITCH!!!!", gave her The Rock's eyebrow and tersely said, "No". I felt like this... EVERYONE who works at this place wears bright ass red aprons. I'm literally dressed head to toe in blue, and regardless of the color, anybody who looks at me should be able to infer that I work in some type of medical capacity, at the very least. Ain't nothing wrong with working in a craft store, but I felt like this chick didn't even look at me, she just saw some brown skin and thought: "Oooh, a darkie! Must be here just to serve my needs...what else could she be here for?". Living in the South will warp your thinking in this way because YT makes no effort at all to conceal their racism. But I don't wanna seem like a Knee Jerk Nigga.... what do you think about the exchange?

In other news... well there is none really, other than I'm fatter because I can't go to the gym or workout right now. Until I can see a doctor again, I'm nursing a wound under my arm and I can't use any products whatsoever and sweating makes the wound burn like hell. Waaaaaaah. I have to wash my pits everytime I break a sweat. I might even have to get surgery to remove my axillary sweat glands.So uh... pray for me either way. I need to get in the gym pronto, and I need a resolution to my condition.


Whooooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.......Peace.

Getting grown...

Sometimes I long for the days when I
was younger, so that I could go back and change things that I did, but
today two things made me appreciate the maturity that I and some
others around me have gained. I'll make this brief because I don't
wanna get cloudy eyed again. (Although I can't say I'm a cryer, I AM a
sap.)


First thing, I found out that a very special lady I know delivered her
babies a couple days ago, but only their spirits are left with us. I
was so heartbroken when I heard the news. But, being the special person she is, she and her mate
are being extremely strong right now. Her peace with the situation has
comforted me, and here I was, initally trying to think of ways to
comfort her! Blessings to her family and her little beautiful ones.
Secondly, I appreciate how maturity has changed the relationships I
have with certain people. Once upon a time, I had someone I had to deal
with, and at that time I don't think there were two other people on the
planet who has such an intense mutual disdain for one another as this
person and I had. Here we are now, about 11 years later, and our
relationship is almost the exact opposite. I totally credit it to
maturity on both our ends. She is now assisting me in the fight
against the plantation, among other things. I cannot begin to
express my gratitude to her.

I propose a virtual toast to "Being Grown"
*clinks glass* Cheers!

I have a question to ask.

Vikter Duplaix, will you marry me? You are helping me get through my day in such a major freaking way. Think about it, man. :-)

Know what sucks more than having to do work on your day off?

Doing work for someone else on your day off.
This my friends, is the sort of day I have ahead of me.
*sigh* Well, at least I have Rahsaan and Ghost to keep me company.

I'd like to say A WHOA HA!

I'm feeling pretty good right now.I'm at my mom's house and homegirl hooked me up with a Smirnoff Sour Apple Twister. This stuff is good!

Wooooooooooooooooooooo!

"Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line?"

The innocence of childhood is SO blissful. As an introverted kind of person, I'm often in my own little world it's easy for me to turn a blind eye to things I don't care to see, because I'm preoccupied with Planet MeandMine. Still, as a child, my view of the world around me was even more shiny, happy and fun. Even now as an adult, my good childhood memories heavily outweigh the bad ones. Perhaps this is why I'm just now seeing how some fools in my hometown are doing their damnedest to retain the bad reputation it garnered since
the '67 riots.

Sunday, I got a call from my friend Tracy. Tracy and I go waaaaaaaay back. Way back like Charleston Chews,Chick O Sticks, plastic bracelets and stopwatches for fashon's sake. She's about four years older than me, but I've known her since I was about 6. Our families lived near each other, so we actually grew up together very closely. Our line between friend and family is blurred like a mofo. I love her and her fam to death, even though some of us have taken drastically divergent paths. Well, now she's fed up with being complacent with her life in Newark and wants a change. She want's to make moves down South.

Tracy has 3 kids. Her son and my daughter are about the same age. The harrowing and impressionable pre-teens. The Bloods and Crips have finally caught on in North Jersey, doing dumb shit and wreaking havoc on a block near you. Of course, she doesn't want her kids around this bullshit, and especially not her son, since he's likely to get recruited into it. Hey, I'm with her all the way on that. What this basically boils down to is that she would like to stay with me until she can get her thing together down here. I feel obligated to let her do that, since she opened her home to me and my daughter when we needed it. Problem is, I don't wanna freakin' be here! I'm smack dab in the middle of trying to make my own moves. She actually wants to live in Atlanta, and so do I, which is good. However, I don't know how this is gonna work out. We clearly have more talking and planning to do on this issue.

It's so funny how when I think my life is confusing and complicated enough, I get hit with something else. Don't start hedging bets on the date of my nervous breakdown just yet, but DO stay tuned!

On to more pleasant things....

I have a reputation for being rather bookish. I can't help it. I just have the urge to learn new things all the time. I have so many things that I'd like to learn, but I haven't been able to find the time or access the resources I need to tap into. However, I forget that sometimes, all you have to do is open your mouth and ask somebody about the things you'd like to learn. Just fuckin ask! Well when you're shy like me, that's kinda hard. Fortunately, I have a small but fabulous circle of friends!

I was talking to Jamila Sunday night/Monday morning, bitching about how I hate living here, and I wish I knew some producers on the same wavelength with me, so that I can seriously get back into my music, instead of just aimlessly crafting lyrics. I was starting to fall into my negative thinking again. I was feeling like I couldn't seriously work on any music until I relocate up out this piece. Well, thanks to some advice and resources Jam hooked me up with, I'm now my own producer. So there! Thhhhhhhhhhhbbbt! Now I can finally relieve myself of some of the music that been pent up in my head. I feel so much better, especially that I'm already working on arrangements and such. I can't say exactly when I'll have something for your listening pleasure ( or horror? eeep!), but it's cooking.

Whew!

My my my, where to begin?

I guess I'll get my more somber though out of the way first
Last Friday, my friend Tyrice and I were talking about the upcoming first anniversary of Barry White's death, and lamenting the deaths of the artists who have passed more recently, namely Ray Charles. Me and my big mouth had to go and say, "Wow, this is so sad, this usually happens in groups, I wonder who's next?

Then we hear this.
*sigh*

All I can say is Rest In Peace, Syreeta. I'm glad your body not on this earth suffering anymore.

That's all I have to say about that.

Hey there

I haven't forgotten you. I've just been kinda busy and tossing around a lot of thoughts in my head. So much has happened this week, I don't know where to begin. I initally was going to just blog all these thoughts as a stream of consciousness, but I don't want to frustrate anyone,I wouldn't be able to read it my damn self, ha! Anyway, I'll be back to post them all in a few. I have a few things to do real quick. I just wanted to get my fingers warmed up here first :-)