"...Looks like I'd get you off of my mind, but I can't."
Little bloggie, I'm so sorry I've been away.
I've deleted all of my previous entries because I felt like I wasn't really saying anything. At that point, everything I said here was just for me. I'm ready to share now. Sorry for being so selfish.... Forgive me? Thanks.
Today is a weird day. An eventful day I say. I have made an important decision today that may change the course of my life. Today I decided that I must quit my job. By the time I return to the big house later on this week, I plan to tell massa that I paid for my freedom, and that I'm leaving.
I don't want to go into all the details as of why just yet, but I will. I WILL say that over the last week or so, I've been seriously mulling over the idea, but last night after teetering on the brink of tears on one hand, and literally causing several of my co-workers serious bodily harm (and I am not exaggerating in the least bit), I realized this is something that I MUST DO. There is no amount of "checking people" or complaining to my superiors that will change the problems I face there. I even slept on it this morning and when I woke up, I damn near saw the word "LEAVE" floating in front of my eyes.
No, I don't have any money saved. No, I don't have another "job" lined up. No, I'm not crazy. However, if I continue my servitude at that place, I will be soon. Seriously. So... What am I going to do? I mean, it's not just me I have to worry about. I have a child too. Well, for the first time in my life, I'll be stepping out purely on faith. For all of my adult life I have been afraid of the unforeseen possibilities in my future, because I am responsible for someone else's life. Well, that HAS to change right NOW.
As a child, it never occurs to you that what you imagine for yourself may not come into fruition the way you planned or on the timeline you set up. My life damn sure has not gone as I'd imagined. A nigga's timeline is jacked than a muhfucka! I'm the mother of a child who has some BIG ASS dreams, and I believe in her all the way. It's one of my dreams to see her dreams through. What better way for her to prove to her that she can achieve them all than by accomplishing my own? So that's what I'm doing folks My resolution this year was to get around to doing what I REALLY see myself doing. I ain't done none of that shit yet. I will be exiting my early twenties exactly one week from now. If this ain't the time to get my shit together, then when will it be?
To whoever's out there reading... Send some positive vibes my way. I'mma need 'em!
