Well folks...

Thanks so much for the advice and encouragement I've gotten in regards to my last 2 entries to my blog. I'm not gonna get all sappy and mushy and get myself into a tizzy again, but I'd like to let you all know that I really appreciate it.

I have come to a realization about something. Sometimes you just have to admit you failed at something. I am now admitting that my attempt to make a life here is an utter and complete failure. As I have said several times before, there is absolutely nothing in this place for me other than my family. It just ain't enough. I have tried to make a satisfying life here for my daughter's sake, and I can not do it. I've tried for 2 years. If that wasn't an honest effort I don't know what the hell is. When I take upon a new endeavor, it's done with incredible zeal. Ask anyone who I'd been contact with during the time that I'd been planning to come here, and they'd tell you that I was acting like I'd won a multi-million dollar jackpot or something. I really and truly thought that I could make this work. I love my family, I do, but being close to them is not enough. If they lived somewhere else this might have worked, but it just ain't happening. I came here for the wrong reasons, and my life has become a train wreck because of it.

All that said, I have made some extremely difficult decisions over the past two days.
I don't wish to divulge them here until some of them are carried through, but trust me, they are some extreme choices I never thought that I would have to make. I'd rather carry them out than to continue living life like this. I can't even call this existence I'm suspended in a life, for real. It's serious like that. I will be 30 soon and I promised myself while I was still in my teens that by the time I hit 30 that I wouldn'be be caught up in some bullshit existence, and I won't. I simply REFUSE to be.

Off topic: while I was writing this, I realized something else.
I AM NOT NICE. I'm not! This seems to be a trait people associate with me, and I'm not. At least I'm tired of trying to be. I need to let the feeling that I need to be nice go. I don't feel like being nice all the time. I am courteous, and I'm respectful, only because I want people to extend as much to me. I wonder what would happen if I just decided to nut the fuck up for a day. How would people like THAT?
Of course, I can get nasty when necessary, but I get the feeling that If I just let 'er rip for a whole 24 hours, that it would be like one long comedy sketch. Hmmm.


Anyway, that's all for today.